The Different Faces of Me

Have you ever feel alone with no one to talk to or no one to share your problems with? I happen to experience this today. It feels lonely and I've been crying for no reason at all. I tried to focus my attention to different things but I don't know why this feeling keeps affecting my daily activities. *sigh*

I wanted to have an imaginary friend, whom I can share my feelings with and my personal experiences. At least he or she will never get sick and tired of me. But I am too old for those kind of things. Err.. Writing this in my blog makes me feel a lot better but talking to a real person makes a big difference. I wish I could have a new friend, a friend whom I can share everything with. The one who will never get tired of listening to me. One I could trust and share my secrets with. Oh, I miss my old friends... but they're too busy now with work or with their personal lives.

Life is short, I know I should be enjoying every single second of it but going through every day's challenges with someone feels a lot better than taking everything alone.

I've spent my almost whole day crying. I wanted to cheer myself up. I wanted to be a strong person but I'm not. All I can do is pretend that everythings' fine.

I miss him a lot.
Am I loving him too much? Do I need to give him space for me to adjust to what he wants? I wanted him to be happy but the things that he wants me to do is not just me. Its like his happiness or my happiness. I'd pick his.

I am having a headache since I woke up and I tried to ignore it. I just it won't get worse. I am tired of loving. I am tired of myself. I wanted to be happy.

I wish that when i wake up tomorrow, I'd feel much better...

Far Away
By: Nickleback

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know, you know, you know

That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
And you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
'Cause you know, you know, you know

So far away
(So far away)
Been far away for far too long
So far away
(So far away)
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
(Keep breathing)
Hold on to me and, never let me go
(Keep breathing)
Hold on to me and, never let me go

I was having a boring day yesterday and I've decided to change the color of my nails. While I was watching lifestyle network last sunday, I am amazed by the girls' blue nails so when I went to Hortaleza yesterday I look for the blue one. Hooray! I saw the perfect color blue and I saw color violet. I bought them and hurriedly when back home.

Anyway, here's the picture of my nails...


Weird eh?! I find it cute hahaha! Till next crazy nail adventure!

Apologize
by: One Republic

I'm holding on your rope
Got me ten feet off the ground
And I'm hearing what you say
But I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down
But wait...
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around and say..

That it's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

I'd take another chance, take a fall, take a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
(But that's nothing new)
Yeah yeah

I loved you with a fire red, now it's turning blue
And you say
Sorry like the angel heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
Woahooo woah

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah yeah
I said it's too late to apologize, a yeah

I'm holding on your rope
Got me ten feet off the ground

I had a week of loads of things to do and to think of. Almost every spare time, my team mates and I were planning where to go and where to eat last friday. It has been a tradition in the company that the new hires treats the other employees. So our team talked about our budget and think of what to do.

I was also busy helping my bestfriend with her problem. I actually don't want to get involved but they keep dragging me into it. I feel so tired and lonely. I wanted to stay home, remove my brain to stop thinking and remove my heart to stop beating. I am missing him badly.

Last January, my boyfriend asked me out for February 15 (UP Fair). I am very excited about it but got disappointed when he told me that I am not going with him but he'll still go. I wanted to be with him badly. So I decided to go to his place.

Friday was very tiring. In the morning, we've been planning for the lunch out for the whole PeopleSoft Division. We went to Market Market and ate at Hap Chan. Hap Chan is our Managers' favorite resto and so we have no choice but to eat there. I am happy that our team satisfied their food cravings. After that, we walked around market market. When we were on the way back to the office. I saw lots of people walking around. Uh-oh, its the Makati rally! When the time came that we were about to go home, I was looking for public vehicles so that I could arrive at my boyfriends' place as early as I can. Too bad, that I had to walk from Paseo de Roxas to Gil Puyat. While walking there, I felt like I am in an abandoned city where there was no people around. I mean there were few people walking down the streets. There's no public vehicles, only the private ones. When I saw a bus rushing at Gil Puyat, I hurriedly rode the bus. There were a lot of people rushing to the bus and luckily, I was one of the few who successfully entered the bus. haha! When I got to buendia, I hurriedly went to pasay rotonda to ride a van going to Cavite. Err.. there were a lot of abusive policemen who threatens these fx drivers. So the passengers were hidding just so they could get home. We were all like criminals hiding and running. Haha! (what an experience! these abusive policemen is asking for 150 thousand pesos from these drivers! what a shame!) Well, I came to his place even though I feel so tired already. We ate our dinner together and spend time together. At 12 midnight, we rode a van going back to my place. After walking me home, HE WENT TO THE UP FAIR. I didn't want him to go. If he's going, I wanted to go too but he doesn't like that idea. Well, I couldn't stop him anyway, I went home at around 7am in the morning.

I felt like my efforts are worthless. I went to his place because I wanted to be with him and that if he's going to the UP fair.. I wanted to go too. I am feeling so sad and tired too...

I thought that my valentines would be sad and lonely this year. My boyfriend went to Makati last Thursday and we both rode a bus together. It was fun ( i miss those moments.) although the bus was so crowded. We went to Robinsons Place Ermita and saw a couple of friends. (oh, its good to see friends and I miss them a lot.) We ate our dinner afterwards then watched a movie. Robinsons Place is very near our house so to spend more time together, he walked me home. Haaay! Sobrang namiss ko sya. How I wish I could be with him always.