Day 4: Moving on

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Yesterday I told myself that I have to move on. I am not helping myself in anyway if I stayed this way. This morning, about 2 in the morning I received a text message from him that he just got home with his barkada. I then replied, so on and so forth. We exchange messages till 4 in the morning. (and I was up this 7:30am.. haha! 3 hours and a half of sleep)

Somehow, I now understand why he gets irritated when I send him messages but still I don't think its an excuse to everything. Yes, I get the point that he wants me to learn from his previous mistakes and that he doesn't want us to end up like him and his ex girlfriend. Throughout the conversation, I felt like he is looking for his ex girlfriend in me. ( I hope not!) I felt bad that it sounded like I am so immature in handling things. I know I am childish in some ways but I'm just looking for some attention and 'paglalambing' since he is far away.

I've realized things and got to know myself more in our conversation. (at merong mga reactions na .. ah ganito pla ako hindi ko alam..) But it takes time to change (kagaya ng pagyoyosi niya) and he shouldn't do it in a hard (painful) way. He even told me that if what I wanted. If I want him to do what his ex did to him to make him change -- that is to leave him alone. He said that his ex was successful in doing it to him. I don't agree to that, if you truly love a person you should fight for what you feel. You came into their lives and they're already like that. You can't just come and change everything and leaving your love one behind because of his or her bad sides. That isn't the best way. I don't think that everyone will have the same results as what happened to him. I love him. I know he loves me too. Thats all that matters to me and when the time comes that he has to leave me, I'd like to leave everything behind and be in peace. ( I hope that in wouldn't end up like this)

I have to move on. I know I can. Changing to a better me has to undergo a long process. I know I am not that mature yet. Someday I will.. and I know I will. But right now, I have to continue life and face the world of difficulties with a smile on my face. I don't want to be sad anymore. I have to be strong. Strong enough to face all the trials that is yet to come.

Posted by Deeanne at 8:14:00 AM  
pamsong said...

HAHAHA. You have no idea how lost I was when I read your post. Couldn't for the life of me decipher some parts. Thought you were speaking in code!!!

And then I realised that you're Filipino. =p

January 9, 2008 at 12:25 PM  
Deeanne said...

Haha! I'm sorry. Don't worry the ones written in Tagalog were side comments. =p Thanks for dropping by my blog!

January 10, 2008 at 8:01 AM  
maline said...

don't pressure your self much, young lady! :D and don't push your bf either to what you want him to do or change. that's not the name of the game coz you both need to know how to compromise.hehe, sounds too serious, eh. just enjoy the relationship while you can.

reading from your entry, i sense that you're wiser and stronger than you think. :) ahh,young love.hehe, i miss that really! it's always a pleasure to drop here!

January 12, 2008 at 3:39 PM  

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